


White Lies, Gray Morals, Black Latter-Day Saints, and Brown (haired) Jews

by FluffyHetalianGuitarist



Category: Book of Mormon, Falsettos - Lapine/Finn, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: AU, Autism, Bipolar Disorder, F/F, F/M, Gay Stuff, M/M, Modern AU, Modern Era, modern day AU, self-inserts, yeah i'll put myself in as a recurring bg character fite me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-03-25 07:58:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13829862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyHetalianGuitarist/pseuds/FluffyHetalianGuitarist
Summary: Book of Mormon/Falsettos crossover??i'm sorry for inconsistent updates but i'm really trying?? making long fics like this is hard, okay?i'll prob change the title again lol





	1. Chapter 1: I'm Gonna Take You Back to Biblical Times... For An Explanation And Set-up!

**Author's Note:**

> this first chapter takes place in uhhh 2010  
> yeah it's a modern au read the tags jeez

‘What happens when you put 6 Jews, one half-Jew, and one shiksa caterer in a room together?’  
‘…’  
‘They become an oddly tight-knit family.’  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
“TRINA!” Marvin yelled, looking up from his paperwork and sighing as the doorbell rang. “TRINA, GET THE DOOR!” He commanded, putting his head in his hands. He had called a photographer to take their family photo today, but he didn’t want to deal with him. A friend of his, Dr Charlotte DuBois, had recommended this particular photographer as he was apparently pretty popular. His name was something Marvin found quite stupid-  
Whizzer.  
Whizzer Brown. What kind of name was that? Who would name their kid Whizzer? It seemed more like a cruel childhood nickname than anything. A voice that Marvin could only guess to be Whizzer could be heard downstairs as Trina tried to make small-talk. Jason came into Marvin’s office, hanging in the doorway.  
“Dad?”  
“Yes, Jason?”  
“Mom said to get you downstairs. The photographer’s here.” Jason said simply, shrugging and going back downstairs before his father could say anything. Marvin just sighed. Jason was a smart kid, no doubt, but he was… Strange. Not in a bad way, mind you. He was smart, for his age, a mere 10 years old. His teacher had recommended that they allow Jason to skip Grade 4, move on to Grade 5 early. He was so good at analyzing situations that even Trina had to admit that Jason was a human lie detector. After any of Marvin and Trina’s fights, Jason would always comfort his mother, knowing that it likely wasn’t her fault. Marvin didn’t understand why Jason always sided with her, but he did know this: He wanted it all.  
“Marvin.” Trina’s voice snapped Marvin out of his thoughts, and he looked up again to see her looking very unimpressed. “Trina?” “Jason asked you to come downstairs. There’s something about this… Whizzer… That doesn’t seem right. I don’t know if I can deal with him much longer.” She snapped, sighing and running a hand through her curly chocolate-brown locks. Marvin always admired her hair. He thought it was one of the things that made Trina so… Gorgeous. Recently they’d been fighting a little more, about the bills, and about Jason’s schooling, and about random missionaries from all over the place appearing at their door no matter how many times they say they’re Jewish already and no they don’t want to become Catholic or Protestant or Muslim.  
“Marvin! Are you listening?!” Trina demands, tapping her foot and furrowing her eyebrows in a sort of glare as she stares intently at Marvin. He stands up, nodding softly. “I was just thinking. Sorry.” He says quickly, not liking the idea of apologizing for something like that. Wasn’t he entitled to his thoughts? Trina only nodded, motioning for Marvin to follow her downstairs. He did, and when he got to the bottom, he saw a gorgeous man, perhaps the most stylish he’d ever seen. Marvin had never really fancied men at all, he thought. He always thought Trina was an amazing woman, and a great wife. But upon seeing this man, Whizzer, he came to a sudden and harsh realization.  
Whizzer was HOT.  
Whizzer looked up and gave Marvin a warm smile, his gorgeous wavy brown hair reflecting light in such a perfect way, and his chocolate pudding-brown eyes sparkling with the obvious enjoyment Whizzer got from being a photographer. He had a nice build… And a nice ass. Whizzer smirked, just a little, as he gave Marvin an amused look.  
“So you’re Marvin?” He asks, raising an eyebrow. Marvin snapped out of his trance and nodded, holding out a hand for Whizzer to shake. The handshake was quick, but not too quick- Marvin’s palms were sweaty, but Whizzer didn’t seem to mind.  
“Alright, so let’s do this, then. In the backyard, maybe? You’ve got a nice big tree out there, I saw it when I pulled up. I think it’d really add to the picture if there was something like that in the background.” Whizzer suggests, and Trina nods. “That sounds lovely, yes. Jason, darling, stop tugging at your cardigan.” “But mom, it’s so… Scratchy!” Jason protests, sighing as Trina takes his hands and shoots him a look that says ‘Stop. Now.’.  
Whizzer only gives a laugh, a laugh that Marvin finds somewhat obnoxious. Not really obnoxious, but, for lack of a better word, obnoxious. It seemed to fit with what Marvin could gather about his personality.  
“Okay then! Outside we go.” Whizzer says, and the four head to the backyard. Marvin, admiring Whizzer’s ass. Trina, reprimanding Jason. And Jason, like some sort of psychic, knowing that his father was already infatuated with Whizzer, and that there was nothing he could do about it.

TIMESKIP OF 2 MONTHS

“Marvin…~ Come here…~” Whizzer called, a smirk on his face. “Is breakfast ready?” A very tired Marvin asks, stumbling into the kitchen of their now shared apartment. It had been 2 months since Marvin met Whizzer, and 1 ½ months since the two had begun to see each other behind Trina’s back. “No… But my body is!~” Whizzer exclaims, jumping onto Marvin and kissing his neck, wrapping his arms around the shorter male’s waist. “Hmm… Whizzer…” Marvin mumbles, placing his hands over his lover’s and giving them a gentle squeeze.  
“Trina asked to see me today… Before work… So I need to go…” He tells Whizzer, who frowns. “Do you…” He begins, but bites his lip in thought. “You don’t still love her, do you?” He asks, raising an eyebrow. Marvin had to think about this. Trina was a perfectly nice woman- pleasant, good at making idle chit-chat, easy to get along with, and a good housewife. But did he love her? “… No. Listen, babe, just… It’s okay, Whizzer. We can screw when I get home, okay?” “From work? At 5 o’clock? In… In 10 whole agonizing hours?” Whizzer asks, raising an eyebrow once more. Marvin chuckles and breaks free of his grip.  
“Yes. You have work too, so it’s not like there’s too much time for you to be remembering that we didn’t screw this morning.” He tells Whizzer, who pouts and gives a small whine. “You’re no fun, y’know that?” “Oh, sure I’m not. It’s not like I’m going to file a divorce with Trina just for you.” “For… Me?” “Yes, for you. I don’t… I don’t want her to find out before I can tell her, y’know?” “Yeah… Alright, well get going! Here-“ Whizzer kisses Marvin briefly, then shoves him in the direction of their somewhat shared room. “Get dressed, then go see her, get to work, all that jazz!” He says with a grin, and Marvin laughs as he opens his closet, looking through his suits.  
TIMESKIP OF 30 MINUTES  
“Trina, what’s wrong?” Marvin asks as he enters the house that he once called his own. “I have them here.” She says simply, handing him a pile of papers. In big, bold letters at the top, Marvin read the only two words he’d need to read.  
DIVORCE PAPERS.  
“Trina?” “I caught you- Well, I saw you-grabbing his ass, like it was-“ Trina mimed grabbing something, throwing her arms up in the air. “You love him, don’t you? I knew it, I knew the constant staying over was suspicious, but I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt…” She laughs dryly, and Marvin sighs. “Trina, I swear, I was going to tell you-“ “I was never enough for you, was I?! It just wasn’t enough-Because I didn’t need sex every night, but obviously you were so desperate that you’d screw a- another man!” She exclaims, giving a frustrated noise.  
Marvin furrowed his brow but said nothing, not wanting to aggravate Trina further. She was pathetic when she was upset- she’d have a breakdown, crying and screaming, and becoming aggressive.  
“Sign them, and it’ll be official. I’ve done everything else. I get Jason. You get your… Boyfriend.” Trina spat that last word, ‘boyfriend’, like she’d rather die than admit that Marvin was seeing another man. Marvin looked shocked. “You get Jason?!”  
“Of course. I’m not letting him stay with you two…” Trina trails off with a look of mild disgust. “God knows what you get up to.” She spits, folding her arms. Marvin frowns but tucks the papers into his briefcase. “Fine. I’ll bring them back at the end of the day. I want to at least read what I’m agreeing to before I sign it.” He says simply, sighing. Trina only shakes her head and wipes her hands on her apron.  
“… I did love you. But I guess it just wasn’t enough, was it?” She pauses for a second, not long enough for Marvin to reply.  
“Jason needs a psychiatrist Something… Something’s wrong with him. He’s definitely your child, that’s for sure... I was thinking of recommending him to Dr. Mendel. Your shrink?” She phrases that last part more like a question than anything, like she’s prompting Marvin to remember the man he sees every other week to give him shitty therapy.  
Marvin only gives a sigh of disgust. “Whatever, Trina. Do what you want. You’ve already claimed custody over him, haven’t you? So get him into therapy if that’s what you think he needs. I haven’t seen him enough recently to know whether or not you’re right anymore.” He tells his soon to be ex-wife, folding his arms and tapping his foot impatiently.  
“Now, is that all?” “One more thing.”  
“What?”  
“There was a man who came to the door… He looked almost like Whizzer. Tried to tell me about… Mormonism, that’s right. I thought Mormons stayed in Utah, but I guess not.”  
“… Looked like Whizzer?” Marvin asks, raising an eyebrow.  
Trina nods. “Like his twin, or something. He said his name was Elder Price, not Elder Brown, so I guess it’s just his doppelganger or something.” She sighs. “That’s it. I’ll see you later, when you drop the papers off, I suppose?” “Yes. See you then, Trina.”  
Marvin turns to leave but pauses, his hand on the door handle. He looks over his shoulder to Trina, biting his lip. “I’m sorry about all this, Trina.” He says, and she only gives a curt nod. “So am I.”


	2. Not a chapter...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm v sorry

Hey guys. So I know a lot of people have read this already, and that's amazing! I'm so happy our fandoms are alive enough for me to have gotten so many hits so fast.

But my life has really been getting in the way of things I enjoy doing, like writing, playing guitar, drawing, and all my emotional outlets. As a result, I've been feeling more and more like shit. 

I'm really sorry I posted one chapter then ran away, and I swear chapter 2 is sitting in Word, waiting to be completed, but I can't find the time right now. I've plenty of inspiration, tons of things to do, but not enough time to do it all.

I appreciate all of you being so patient, and it really means a lot to me when people don't give me 'omg update pls!!1!!1' comments, because it just puts pressure on me when that does happen.

I want to thank you all for taking the time to read my amateur story, and if you read this too, I want to thank you for being understanding. School has been really rough, and it looks like I mightn't pass this year, which is really stressful for me. I've always gotten good grades, but not anymore.

<3 You're all wonderful people, and I thank you for taking time out of your day to read this. I promise I'll have Chapter 2 up as soon as I can. 

In the meantime, feel free to send in requests? I'm going to be starting a oneshot/drabble fic for a bunch of different musicals, including DEH, Falsettos, maybe Rent, BMC, Hamilton, Wicked, and more.

Again, thank you for being understanding, my lovely readers. You can't begin to know how much your support means to me.


	3. A Whole New World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so this is shorter than it was originally gonna be but i felt shitty for not posting so here. i'll write the next chapter taking place immediately after this one but whatever, like i said, here ya go.

‘Now what happens when you throw in 4 Mormon missionaries, one of which is related to that half-Jew from before?’  
‘Listen, you’re not making any sense-‘  
‘They work together and become the ultimate tight-knit family…  
But not before shenanigans ensue.’  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.

*5 YEAR TIMESKIP*

“WHOA! NEW YORK CITY! IT’S JUST AS BUSY AND LOUD AS MISSION PRESIDENT TOLD US!” Arnold yelled, causing a flinch and slight eye roll from Kevin. Connor simply grinned as he hummed happily. Nabulungi was looking around like a child on Christmas day- her eyes were wide, her hands were clasped, and she had a silly grin plastered on her face. That same grin had been there for about 3 hours, ever since they landed in New York.

Now for a little backstory, shall we? Nabulungi had come back to Salt Lake City along with most of her village when the Mormons’ mission in Uganda was ‘over’. However, rather than staying with her village and being dispatched with them, she chose to go wherever Arnold Cunningham was sent. Arnold was the one who brought her and her village out of poverty, and into the United States, and as a result, she had a tendency to follow him everywhere.

Arnold definitely didn’t mind- in fact, Nabulungi was his best friend, aside from Kevin and Connor! He even baptized her, so he figured that it only made sense that she could come with him if she really wanted. He was also pretty happy to have company that enjoyed his presence. Kevin seemed a little frustrated with him at times, and Connor, well, Connor didn’t like how Arnold made things up all the time, but other than that? They all got along great! Although, Kevin and Connor seemed to have some sort of tension sometimes…  
Now back to reality! (You probably know them all anyways, right?)

“Where are we staying, Elder Cunningham?” Nabulungi asked, gently grabbing hold of the shorter male’s hand to ensure she didn’t get lost in the buzz of people on the streets. Arnold had a blank expression, staring at the Ugandan woman beside him. That was an excellent question- one he didn’t know the answer to.  
Luckily, Kevin and Connor piped up at the same time: “We found a hotel not too far from some residential areas!” “Great for going door-to-door.” Connor added, giving his signature perky smile. Kevin only rolled his eyes as he continued to haul his luggage behind him. He had packed as much of his mom’s tiffen (a tasty chocolate concoction that she made only twice a year) as possible, and that was the only reason he had such a large suitcase.   
The only other things he had, after all, were his suits, a few copies of the Book of Mormon (to hand out), his own copy of the Book of Mormon (which he read nearly every night) and a stationary set, to write to his parents and brother. Well, he had a phone too, but that usually went in his pocket. He and Arnold had even set Nabulungi up with a phone, much to her pleasure, and she’d been taking selfies with all of the Elders ever since.

“Gotswana says he’s scheduled an appointment with the doctor in Salt Lake City! I’m so happy for him.” Nabulungi chirped, looking at her phone and showing it to a smiling Arnold. Since moving to Utah with her village, she’d learned the proper pronunciation of various words- her accent still got in the way sometimes, but she now knew how to spell them. 

She (and her village) had gotten some schooling, much more than they got in Uganda. Her father was learning how to write in both Swahili, and in English, so he boasted about this sometimes. He was just happy to have his daughter (well, and his village, though he saw most of them as threats to Nabulungi’s safety) with him, getting a good life with trustworthy people.  
“Alright, here we are!” Connor chirped, doing jazz hands as he gestured to a large hotel before them. Kevin rolled his eyes, looking all the way to the top of the hotel and nearly falling back in the process. It was so tall that while he could see the top (being the tallest one there), he couldn’t properly see the roof. Nabulungi’s eyes were sparkling as she released Arnold’s hand, dropped her luggage, and bolted into the hotel, squealing with joy. 

“Nabulungi, wait!” Arnold cried, also abandoning his suitcase and taking off after the excited woman. Kevin and Connor looked to one another, then back to the luggage that the other two had dropped, and let out a sigh in unison. “Of course they’d leave us with their suitcases…” Kevin grumbled, picking up Arnold’s heavy suitcase and leaving Nabulungi’s for Connor.

*A FEW HOURS LATER*

“Alright! We’re all checked in and set up, and now, I think it’s time to go check out the local businesses! So we know where to get our breakfast before we do some door-to-door work.” Connor decides, receiving a nod in reply from Kevin, and a cheer from Arnold and Nabulungi. With that, the four put down their respective activities (Nabulungi and Kevin were reading, while Arnold and Connor were on their tablets.) and headed out the door, finding their way out of the hotel, only to see a young blonde woman pushing a catering cart through the hallways. 

“Excuse me!” She chirped cheerfully, bustling down the hall and turning, going into the elevator and pushing the button. It was only after the door had closed that it occurred to the four that they too, needed to go in the elevator. “Gosh darn it! I suppose we’ll just have to wait for the elevator to come back up.” Connor sighed, pushing the button and waiting beside his fellow Mormons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please send in requests for oneshots! i'm gonna make a work for em so either save em for when the work is made or send em in here, whatever works. i'll be doing loads of musicals, and maybe some animes? who knows, probably musicals.


End file.
